3 Hidden Reasons You Don't Pray (And How to Fix That)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
ESV
Prayer is a blessing we can hardly comprehend, not because of it being a mystery, but because of the sheer magnitude of how great prayer is.
We have the opportunity to speak with the God of the Universe, known as the King of kings. He is the Savior of many, most likely you call Him your Savior and Lord.
But… we do not talk to Him.
Why?
I am going to give you 3 reasons you may not pray.
If, when asked about your prayer life, you say, “I know I don’t pray as much as I should.” This article will help you as I will also give you a solution for each reason I mention.
I could give you strategies to make you consistent, but if these reasons are not resolved first through a change of mind and heart, all consistency strategies will fail.
Reason #1: You View the Persons of the Trinity As Different
The one, true, God of the Bible, our God, exists in 3 distinct persons – God The Father, God The Son, and God The Holy Spirit. While this is true, again God is one God. The persons of the Trinity are not gods. I know that sounds confusing if this is the first time you have heard about this, but scripture does not seek to explain away the apparent “contradictions” of this truth. This is comforting because if God was easy for our finite minds to comprehend, we should be worried that man made up God.
These persons of the Trinity are co-equal (all of them are fully and truly God), co-existent (they do not change forms, all three exist at the same time), and co-eternal (all persons of the Trinity have always existed, none were created).
Now, what does this have to do with prayer?
When they pray, I believe that most people pray specifically to God the Father. Even unconsciously we do this.
How do you start your prayer? “Dear Heavenly Father…”
That is fine, but a problem arises when we view God The Father as different from God The Son (Jesus).
(You can skip the block of text below if you are well studied on the persons of the Trinity, but here are descriptions of these two persons of the Trinity)
God the Father: He is the first person of the Trinity, invisible, and the sovereign ruler over all things in creation.
God the Son, Jesus: He has always existed but came down to live a perfect life among us, to show us the character and heart of God, and to die for the sins of the world so that all who would accept His offer of forgiveness can be with God, reconciled to Him forever in true peace and rest, now and in eternity. He has appearances and prophecies throughout the Old Testament and His life and work is alluded to through a multitude of people and objects in the Old Testament as well.
They certainly have different roles, but there is a problem if we view their character traits differently. For simplicity’s sake, I will refer to God The Son exclusively as Jesus.
It seems that when we think of God The Father, we normally think of Him as more righteous and just (offended by sin/wrong-doing) than Jesus. Then when we think of Jesus, we think of Him as more graceful and gentle or kind than God The Father.
This cannot be further from the truth as Jesus is the perfect example and representation of God The Father. In fact, when Thomas asks Jesus to show them The Father, Jesus states, “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9).
You may be asking, what does this have to do with whether or not I pray?
Humans tend to go back and repeat activities that they deem enjoyable and helpful.
How can you enjoy prayer if you believe that after you have confessed to God your sins, He simply says to you, “Just do better!”?
Will you really go back to prayer often if you believe God is not concerned with you and the things going on in your life because He is too preoccupied with His overarching goal of bringing Himself glory and salvation to others?
We cannot experience the full relief of grace if we do not view God the Father as possessing the same grace that Jesus exemplifies in the gospels and attained for us on the Cross with His sacrifice.
God the Father is equally as gentle and loving as Jesus and Jesus is also equally as righteous and just as the Father.
So, what is the solution?
Remember and accept that Jesus, what we see in His example in the gospels is the perfect example of how God relates to us.
Look to these passages and ask what does this say about God?
- Look at the woman at the well. How Jesus treated this woman living a sinful lifestyle, rejected by society (John 4:1-29).
- Look at Jesus’ compassionately feeding 5,000 people even though in the upcoming chapters they were going to reject him (Matthew 14:1-21 paired with John 6:25-63).
- Look at Jesus’ treatment of James and John in Mark 10-32-45. Jesus just explained to His disciples that He is going to die soon and they come up to Him and ask, “we would like you to do something for US?” and instead of “since I’m going to die soon, how about you do something for me?” He says, “what can I do for you?” What does that say about God?
- Look at Jesus overturning tables in the temple and His anger when He cursed the fig tree (Mark 11:12-25 or 26 depending on translation).
- Look at Jesus’ proclaiming His list of woes on the Pharisees (Matthew 23).
- Look at Jesus’ treatment of Peter after he denied Him three times to His face (John 21:15-25).
- Look at Jesus’ words on the cross (Matthew 27:32-56; Mark 15:21-41; Luke 23:26-49; John 19:16-37).
Reason #2: You Don't Spend Enough Time Being Grateful
This point is not brought up in order to condemn you.
We get so busy in this life that we only see the things that are right in front of us…
And more specifically, we filter out the good things that are right in front of us, and we only focus on the hard things, the negative things.
If we’re not grateful, one of the main things that will happen is we won’t communicate with God. It is similar to how God’s kindness leads us to repentance. Gratitude for God’s kindness leads us to prayer.
Gratitude is especially needed in order to pray without ceasing.
If you are not in tune with what is going on around you, and even forcefully directing your mind to ask, “what is good around me?” You are not going to pray to God.
So the solution to this begins with asking God for a grateful heart.
If you struggle with this one specifically, I would ask you to realize and remind yourself that all good things come from God.
Now, rattle off a list. You can write it down or close your eyes and do this as fast as possible.
Brainstorm, and give God thanks for every small and large blessing. Give thanks with this question in mind, “If God decided to take away everything you have not given thanks for, what would you have left?”
Your sanity.
Hot water.
Anything.
Toothpaste.
We are very blessed. We have access to the Bible without restriction (here in the US).
It would also be helpful to research the blessings that we do receive through Jesus’ sacrifice.
Reconciliation with God is something we can be grateful for, for eternity.
We lack the gratitude in this one truth because we don’t reflect on it often.
Reason #3: You Think Of Yourself Too Much
What do I mean by this?
I mean it in two different ways.
We think of our own performance too much.
When you pray, do you often end with the thought, “wow, I did not focus as much as I should have.” You might even think, “that prayer won’t be as ‘effective’ because I wasn’t able to focus or I did not pray with enough passion”…
We look to our performance over Jesus’ own ability to overcome what we can’t. That is the whole point of the gospel. Jesus does what we can’t.
Now, we should want to focus on God while we are talking to Him.
What I’m saying is, prayer is not more effective, and prayer is not more heard by God because you were able to “say the right words” or if you “focused enough”.
This is similar to the point Jesus was making in Matthew 6:7.
“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.”
God is everywhere and God is with the Christian in a more profound way.
He hears us.
God also knows what we need before we even say anything, and even if we fail to say it.
There’s a lot of peace on that.
There is another way we look to ourselves too much.
When we find ourselves in a tough spot we say, “I’ve got this.”
We always look to what we can do instead of looking to Christ.
Why should we pray if we don’t need help?
And obviously in both of these mindsets we view prayer as merely a means to get something from God. Almost as if He owes us.
Remember that above some of the other benefits of prayer, prayer is us spending time with God in the relationship that has been secured for us. We are grateful for Him.
Are you concerned about your finances? How often do you pray about it?
Do you have a big decision to make? How often do you pray about it?
Do you let logic completely the whole decision making process?
What is your focus when you read the scriptures? Do you ask, what does this say about the glory of God? Or again are you often like me and the main question you focus on is, what practical actions are the scriptures telling me to do?
Ask both, but emphasize the first.
Here are some solutions to escape these two versions of self-reliance.
Research who God is. How great and how righteous He is. Look at His attributes and character.
Then, look at who we are in comparison.
I recommend a devotional book, written by Paul Washer, called Knowing the Living God.
Next, look at what Christ accomplished on the cross.
We’ve seen who God is – righteous, just, loving, and kind.
We’ve seen who we are – very prone to sin and prone to stepping on each other.
What has been accomplished on the cross?
We have been reconciled to this God that we have just seen is so great. Beyond great.
It would be good to also research what God says about you in Christ?
You can find all of these things in scripture.
You can look up pastors that have been faithful to the word through their lives in order to help you with this.
I think these reflections will help you escape the need to perform for God. We do all things good for Him simply because we love Him, because He is worth it, and because the Holy Spirit empowers us to do so.
Bonus Reason: You Realize That You Are Not Living Your Life In a Way That God Desires.
You may even know that if you begin to speak to Him on a regular basis that He is going to change that.
The only thing I can say to you about that is to please draw near anyways.
Those things that you think you need are going to hurt you.
I don’t want that for you.
I’ve been there.
We are missing out on so much. We miss out on being able to see how glorious and good God is if we neglect this spiritual discipline.
It is a discipline and just like with every discipline you are not going to always feel like doing it.
So, I encourage you to train this discipline by applying any solution that resonated with you right now. Today.
Not to earn God’s favor, but simply because you realize He’s done so much for you and you desire to understand Him better and be with Him more because of that.